Happy Fall Everyone,

LOVE.  The last couple of times I’ve written, my topic has been about what does love mean. I offered several different definitions, knowing that those couple of definitions were not exhaustive of all the possibilities.  I’ve heard it said that there’s as many descriptions for the word love as shades of color.  That would be a lot from my perspective.

In the past two months I have lost both of my brothers.  And now I am the lone survivor of our family of four, as my only sister died several years ago and both parents are long deceased, which means I should have a wonderful heavenly choir singing for me.  Because of the closeness of death with my two brothers, the word love has come up a lot.  So, I find myself again looking into what that word means.

A few days prior to my brother John’s funeral, I received a call from my niece asking if I would proclaim one of the readings at his service.  I immediately said I would be honored and then afterwards thought to myself, “am I going to be able to read without my emotions flowing freely.”  When my niece sent me the reading, I was certainly surprised.  It was the reading from 1 Corinthians 13:4, “Love is Patient, Love is kind…….”  It took me a few minutes to reflect on this choice, as I had read it several times at weddings, but never for a funeral.

I certainly wasn’t sure about reading it at the funeral.  The whole love situation brought up all kinds of memories for me regarding my brothers.  Our family was not one of those that hugged at every opportunity or said “I Love you” a lot.  Not sure our parents ever said that to us as kids.  Many years after our dad died, our mom started to become more open on PDA, as did I.  We all knew our parents loved us even if they didn’t say it.  I certainly felt that they loved me, and they showed it in many different ways, but it was still really nice when I actually heard the words.

With my brothers it was interesting the first time I said, I love you, to each of them.  My brother John was always the jokester of the family.  He loved a good time, told jokes back in the day and always liked to pull a prank or two on you.  But love me? I know he did, even in the stories, pranks and get togethers, but actual words not so much.  I chalked it off to the fact that my brothers were 13 and 14 years older than me. Times changed a lot by the time I was an adult and showing signs of love was beginning to be more frequent as I grew older.  Even with that, it had only been about the last 10 or 15 years, as we got older, that telling each other we love you began to happen regularly.

The first time it happened with my brother Jim, we were skyping, which happened once or twice a week. It was a great option for us to talk to one another live and see each other on a screen.  One day, when our time was concluded, I said, “Good by and I love you.”  He said, “good-by” and signed off.  It was a few minutes later that he called back and all he said was, “I love you” and immediately signed off. I smiled to myself and felt very loved in that moment.  It took a little more time of my initiating this before it became less “AWKWARD” and we eventually began to end each conversation by saying it too each other.  In time, the feeling of love began to wash over each of us.  Hugs were exchanged at greetings when we were able to get together in person and a sense of feeling loved and cared for emerged.  We knew we loved each other, but adding the words made it feel real.  After some time he became the initiator, and I responded to him.  Maybe it is just a little thing in life, but this little thing became a very big thing as the word “love” imparted a feeling and memory that I’m so glad to have etched in my mind now that he’s gone.

Now my brother John, who just died, was another whole story, and that fit right into his persona.  I initiated telling him I loved him when I ended one of our facetime calls. He was quiet for what felt like several minutes, and then he said, “I don’t know if I love you.” It was a good thing that I was able to see his face, as I could see his somewhat snicker.  And then he said, “we’ll see.”  I’m sure I probably responded with some sort of wise remark also.  This became our usual dance right up until the last Monday I visited him, which was a few days before he passed. We were leaving and we had sung happy birthday to him, as it was his birthday the day before, he turned 89.  Then I said, “I love you,” and he just gave me that hmm look of, why all the fuss and you’re expecting me to reply? I don’t recall, in all our years, that he ever outright said, “I love you.”   I know in so many other ways that he did love me, although it was hard for him to put into words.  In the end, it didn’t really matter if he continued to make a game of it, as it in itself was a loving endearment to me.

What is Love?

Love is Patient – I didn’t need to rush my brothers into saying I love you or make them say it.  I was patient with their emotions and feelings and accepted how they expressed themselves.

Love is Kind – I honestly can’t remember either of my brothers ever being mean to me.  Maybe practical jokes, but never mean spirited.  They were always very happy to see me and my family, always wanting to get together, talk on the phone and share life.

Love Never Fails – During the many times of my life on the farm and all its trials, the death of our father and the ills of our mom.  They never failed to be there with me.  They never failed to care about me.  They really only knew how to love.

As I reflected on doing this reading at my brother John’s funeral, I only needed to read the words and realize how fitting this was for his life.

A reading from the first Letter of Saint Paul to the Corinthians (13:1-7)

Strive eagerly for the greatest spiritual gifts. But I shall show you a still more excellent way. If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

The Word of the Lord.

As I reflect on these words, I realize how important they are for today especially.  It appears as though the world around us is filled with hate, friends no longer speaking to each other, families are split and conversation in general is difficult.  And I continue to ask myself, where is love.

Love is Patient-  Are we listening to each other or just waiting to get our comments out there to prove them wrong.

Love is Kind – None of the behaviors listed above show kindness.  Hating one another, wishing others harm, not speaking to others because we disagree with their words or their beliefs.

Love Can Heal:  Love can heal and defuse conflict between groups of people

Love Can Connect:  Love can join people at a deeper level than attitude and beliefs

 Love Can be a Quiet Revolution:  Empathy is a viable alternative to power struggles and tensions

Love can be Universal:  Love everyone without regard to politics, social position, finances or race

And most of all –

Love is a Choice:  Love is a choice, and we don’t need to surrender to heated rhetoric and raw emotions and hate.

Jesus said, “I give you a new commandment: love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another” (John 13:34).

For the music lovers in our readership:  Love One Another – The Tabernacle Choir