A few weeks ago, I wrote to you about my search for the true meaning of the word love.  I proposed a few ideas about the definitions that I liked but yet I continued to search for what love really meant to me. I’m not sure how many definitions I need, but I feel like I’m still a little unsettled about what the word, love, means to me.  Sometimes it seems like it’s easier to say what love isn’t. Then one day I was scrolling through Facebook and a quote showed up that really stood out and grabbed my attention: “When someone helps you, and they are struggling too, that’s not help.  That’s love.”   Wow, this is a description of what it means to put yourself aside and focus only on loving the other person.   It’s not that my previous definitions were inadequate, I needed more depth.   The idea that when I’m struggling with an issue or life in general and someone asks for help, I should be ready to respond in spite of feeling lifeless and overwhelmed myself.  I think this is why I felt this phrase was speaking to me about real love.

In May, my husband and I traveled to Colorado to see my brother, Jim and his wife, Fay, as my brother has not been in good health for a few months.  He is 88 and I felt we should visit him in spite of  things being somewhat unsettled in our own lives.  I felt that I needed to see, touch and hug my brother in the real.  Upon arrival, I was happy to see that my brother was up and greeted us at the door with hugs all around.  But during our stay, it became clear that he was experiencing some major health issues and his doctor had told my sister-in-law that he didn’t think my brother would be with us at Christmas.  That information made me thankful that we had made the effort to visit.  Whatever was happening in our lives was minor compared to the struggles going on at my brothers home.

Each day it became clearer to me that my sister-in-law and family were definitely struggling with this situation and yet there was love.  Love in the late hours, as  my brother was always wanting to get up throughout the night.  Struggles to help him move from one spot to another.  Struggles to not correct him when he was disoriented and unsure who we were along with various other aspects of his new medical condition.  But through all their caregiving, there was love, even when it was difficult, and they were exhausted.

This struggle certainly isn’t limited to just caregivers.  This struggle happens as parents while raising our children and our adult children.   It happens among friends and neighbors, whether it be helping with home repair, sick children, accidents and numerous other family issues.  This struggle can happen when we see a car accident, and someone needs help and we are confronted with the decision of do we or don’t we stop?  This is a struggle.  And so, do I always put my needs on the back burner while I tend to someone else?  I wish I could say, always!  Where is my love for God and others in those moments?

I know I’ve lost sight of this definition of  love many times.  When I’m in a situation that contains a struggle, I might find it easier to not get involved and just walk away.  In my mind, I may be justifying my decision based on my perception of the individual, I may feel they don’t really need my help, or my love.  I don’t have time to get involved in this struggle they are experiencing.  But when I’ve done this in the past, it eventually starts to fill me with pain and remorse as I realize that maybe this action falls into the category of revenge, ego, uncaring or just unloving.  In John’s gospel, 13:34-35, Jesus states: “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”  As I look at this quote and reflect on its words and the life of Christ, I think about all the times that even Jesus himself was struggling with his followers and fellow apostles but continued to love them.  Even on the night before he died he says these words to His Disciples: “No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”  I’m not sure I’d call the people who helped sentenced me to death friends, but Christ does.  And yet we know that Christ was struggling during this situation based on Matthews story in the bible of Christ and the Garden of Gethsemane.  In the garden, Jesus prayed to his Father three times, saying, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will”—the KJV says, “Let this cup pass from me” (Matthew 26:39). A little later, Jesus prays, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done” (Matthew 26:42).  These passages tell me that Christ too struggled.  And yet, because of his great love for his Father, Jesus says, “ May your will be done.”

Because Christ is God, I can say it was easier for Him to love his enemies.  Jesus knew where He came from and where he was going upon His death.  It was a certainty.  Yet even with this knowledge, I’ve read of many situations in the bible where Jesus struggled within his humanity.  He never lost sight of love and what it means to love.  We read in Matthews’ gospel about Christ’s dying on the cross.  His suffering was intense: Jesus was “overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death” (Matthew 26:38), and Luke the physician observed that Jesus was sweating blood—a sign of extreme anguish (Luke 22:44).   In prayer Christ says, “Let this cup pass from me, (Matthew 26:38)” If anything says to me that Christ was indeed fully man, this prayer is it.  As fully man, He loves each of us as He loves His Father.

According to the Catholic Church, “love is a fundamental and innate part of human nature, and that humans are created in God’s image to share His love. The Catholic Church teaches that love is the core of human existence, and that to live is to love. Love is not just a feeling or emotion, but an act of the will that involves choosing to do good for others.”  When I think about not loving someone, I discover why I sometimes feel alone, worthless, angry and hateful.  The answer is simple, I’m not loving as God loves.  I’ve given up the struggle and walked away from  friends, neighbors or family.   It feels so hard for me to focus on God’s love when I’m in the everyday of it all.  Love seems far away, and I don’t feel God’s great love for me.   But it shouldn’t feel that way, as God is always here waiting and willing to enter hearts and fill us with  divine love.  To make room for God’s love, I need to give up feelings of anger, hate and revenge and replace those emotions with love.

As I work towards replacing those feelings I still often ask God, why aren’t you doing something about all this negativity happening in the world.  Can’t you see we are all struggling.  Families are struggling with relationships.  Teenagers are struggling.  Young children are being abused and struggling.  Wars are happening around us as they struggle to gain control of each other.  Low, medium and retired income people are struggling.  Unborn babies are struggling to remain in the womb.  And most of all, Christianity is struggling to bring people to you Lord.  And so many times I hear and I’ve said it too, where is God?  How does God let this happen when we’re to be about love.  I’m working to be there in the struggle, but are you there also, God?

This is the year of Prayer within the church.  A year to pray for forgiveness, reconciliation, praying to save lives, not end lives – love one another, even the unborn.  But where is God in answer to our prayers?  I think I discovered where.  He is here, in the moment, in our struggles. Just as God was with Christ in his struggles in the garden and on the cross.  My friend Mary has been struggling with spinal stenosis in her leg.  An extremely painful condition that has been with her for over a couple of months.  She’s had numerous tests, gone to PT therapy, seen new doctors, tried new meds and still the pain persisted. While we were in Colorado, Mary and her husband, Rick,  met up with us in Granby for a week’s stay in the mountains.  Her debilitating leg pain kept her from partaking in many of our usual activities that we so enjoy together.  She was struggling and I struggled to help her look for answers as we visited the ER twice, tried some therapy and several new meds. None of which was any help with the pain.

Upon Mary’s return home she visited her doctor, had more tests, but nothing at that point eliminated the pain.  A couple weeks later, she was at the Dr.’s office again for a Dexascan to  determine what could be done to relieve the pain in her leg.  While in the waiting room she saw  the Archbishop of the Diocese of Dubuque, Archbishop Thomas Zinkula.  Mary went over to him and shared with him how much she enjoyed watching a livestream of a recent ordination he had done for someone in her pastorate.  He shook her hand and asked her name and then he looked into her eyes with grave concern, because he saw she was using a walker.  As he continued to look into her eyes, he commented that she appeared to be in pain.  She said, “yes, I am”.   From that moment on she has been completely free of pain in her leg.   She walked around the rest of the day, pain free, awoke the next day and still no pain.  Now, almost two months later, still no pain.  Gone.  The leg is pain free.   So, where is God, you ask?  God was there in that moment.  God’s love was overflowing within that bishop and at that moment, God entered into Mary’s struggle.  With his eyes, the Bishop shared God’s great love and healing powers.  So I ask again, where is God?

God is all around us, we just need to keep looking, watching, praying, and most importantly, loving.  God is here in our struggles and I need to be paying attention, watching, listening and most of all, praying.   But still there’s the doubting Thomas in each of us that says, “Through prayer do we all get healed?”   Yes, but maybe not in the same way as Mary.  But we are all able to be healed in many different ways.  Relationships mended, addictions cured, money problems solved, families coming together again as God’s love makes its way through each of us and flows out into the world around us.  I pray  that I can remain in life’s struggles and not walk away when I’m needed.  And I continue to pray for my brother and others like him.  Will my brother be healed and his struggles end?   Yes, as he is now in the care of Hospice and is preparing to go home to live with his heavenly Father, just like each of us will someday.  Upon his arrival, God will embrace him in his heavenly arms and say, ” Welcome home, Jim.  In you I am well pleased.”  Devine Love