When Lent started this year I felt like, so now what do I do?  I didn’t want to just give up something again.   I started my search for ideas by focusing on what exactly does it mean for Christ to have died for me?  “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son so that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16).   As I read this scripture passage I began to focus on the words,  “For God so loved the world”.  Did that mean that God really loved me?  I’m in the world.  Did God love me so deeply that he let his only Son die on a cross for me?  How am I to understand that kind of love? If we once again look to scripture we’ll read what love is, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth,”  (Corinthians 13:4–8a).  So many thoughts, but I’m still not sure about the real depth and meaning of the word “love.”  The definition of the word love in the movie, “Love Story”, says love is never needing to say you’re sorry.  I’m not so sure I can agree with that definition, as I think to love someone may mean needing to say your sorry many times over.  If you happen to say something, forget something, do something that makes someone else feel bad then I think the words, “I’m sorry”, are needed at that time.  I don’t want someone I love to feel hurt by something I’ve done even if I didn’t really mean to do it.   Urban Dictionary defines love as, “The act of caring and giving to someone else… Having someone’s best interest and well being as a priority in your life. To truly love is a very selfless act.” Bishop Robert Barron defines love as “willing the good for the other.”

With so many versions or thoughts about what love is, it’s no wonder I don’t always understand it and maybe it explains my difficulty with understanding how God loves me.    I’ve thought many times in my life that I’ve done something really good for someone, out of what I thought was love, only to find out that they didn’t appreciate what I had done at all and it didn’t make them feel loved.  There were times I would try to help someone only to discover, they just wanted me to listen.  I’m a fixer/problem solver, so my first response to anything is to see how I can remedy the issue.  Maybe the remedy was just to help the individual discover the answer themselves, rather than my dictating how it should happen.  My way.  I wonder how many people are listeners last and doers first.  I feel as though everyone today is dictating how they think things should go, like the lyrics to the song, “I did it, My Way.”  This doesn’t sound like God’s way of loving when Christ gave his life for each of us.  He did it God’s way and not His way.  He listened to His almighty father and out of love was obedient to the command.  And in doing it God’s way, he died for us and opened the gates of heaven, where He is seated next to his Father for eternity.  God goes even further with His description of love by saying we need to love one another as we love ourselves.  I don’t feel like everyone is interested in loving one another in today’s world.  I feel like so many people want me to behave, believe and act in ways that they dictate. They don’t care about how that impacts what I think, feel and believe.  But without being able to love one another, no matter their beliefs and actions, it’s impossible to love God.  God doesn’t ask us to pick and choose who He loves and neither should we if we wish to be in a loving relationship with God.  We need to love everyone, even our enemies.  “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.” (John 15:12-13)

This is where my lent was spent, trying to find that Christ-like love in me so that I can love my neighbor as myself and in doing so, I will deepen my relationship with Christ.  I believe that if we’re to change the world for the better, it needs to begin with love.  How do I love that person who just pulled out in front of me with their car?  How do I love that person at work who is always criticizing my work?  How do I love people who don’t follow along with what I think are great ideas for solving a problem? Without finding a way to love one another in all these situations and more there can be no community, and without community, it becomes difficult to have a true relationship with Christ.

Studies tell us today that more people than ever admit to being lonely.  According to a study done by Frank J. Infurna, Associate Professor of Psychology at Arizona State University,  “Loneliness is considered a global public health issue. The U.S. surgeon general released an advisory report in 2023 documenting an epidemic of loneliness and a pressing need to increase social connection.”   Suicide numbers continue to rise among young people in this country as well as statistics for depression, sickness and chronic illness.  As a child of God, I realize that I need to reach out to those around us and become inclusive, regardless of beliefs, looks and actions if I really am wanting to help build a community of faith.    I remember when I was a senior in high school, and it was our turn to initiate the freshman class.  As a freshman I wasn’t crazy about the antics the seniors had us do to welcome us into high school.  But through the rest of my high school years I began to see the importance of that initiation and how it created community.  At the end of a month of initiation, a dinner would be held in the hall for seniors and freshman, followed by a dance.  Come the evening for the dinner, it was discovered that one of the freshman was not going to be in attendance as he didn’t have a ride there since he couldn’t drive yet.  Three of my senior classmates drove out to his home, picked him up, and brought him to the dinner.  No one was to be left out of the celebration.  We were a community that cared about each other, loving one another and wanting them to know we cared about each one.  We continued to encourage each of them to be part of our larger community as they progressed through their freshman year.

If we’re going to love others, as God has willed us to do, and build that community of; faith, hope and love, we need to find the good in everyone and embrace it.  As Paul Miller says in his book, ‘Love Walked Among us‘,  “We instinctively know that love leads to commitment, so we look away when we see a beggar. We might have to pay if we look too closely and care too deeply. Loving means losing control of our schedule, our money, and our time. When we love we cease to be the master and become a servant.”   All of life is filled with choices, both good and evil. I can choose to look the other way and ignore situations that are happening right in front of me.  I can think of numerous times where I have tried to ignore someone in the store, as I didn’t have time to talk to them, or just didn’t want to engage.  People in the grocery line are many times looking to say something, but it’s easy to look the other way.  Not even a hello!  With the invention of caller ID, it’s real easy to ignore calls from people I choose not to talk to, or don’t feel I want to take the time now to spend in conversation.   If I  truly wish to grow in God’s love, it’s  necessary to extend good will to others, just as God has done to me.  Do I want God to ignore my prayers for help, prayers of petition?  My choices need to be obedient to the will of God and flow in the love of our Lord.  “Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me” (Matt. 25-40)

As Christopher Kaczor wrote in his short story, ‘ How to be Happy‘, “What this means is looking for the good in others. Of
course, everyone is imperfect, but everyone who is alive is made by God, loved by God, and invited by God to heavenly bliss. Such a
vision is not mere wishful thinking but rather a focus on the ways, in reality, that the person is good—for example, social intelligence,
ambition, strength, compassion, beauty, creativity, wit, a ready laugh, humility, generosity, social savvy, or kindness. Chances
are everyone you meet will have good qualities that are easier to identify than, say, the good points of Darth Vader. Yet even the
Dark Lord of the Sith is not pure evil. He is determined, intelligent, powerful, single-minded, and adept with his red light saber.
All these qualities are good, albeit usually put to bad use. Anakin Skywalker loved deeply as a youth, which led to his fall. He always
had within him the potential for good, and it was realized only at the very end of his life when his son recognized his potential.
If even a fictional villain, depicted as an icon of evil, has some good within him, surely everyone we meet will reflect, however
dimly, some good news.”

My Lenten experience opened my eyes to loneliness, made me question, “What is Love”,  and reminded me of the lack of community in the world.  I need to look for that good in others, become a better listener, choose my more words wisely and see the good in all of God’s creation.   The hard part of all of this is still waiting to be addressed.  I need to live this definition of love and continue to define for myself what it really means, according to Christ’s example, to really love someone.  How do I change these things in my life?  Where do I start?  Well, I’m reminded of my Christian Experience Weekend which told me that I need to start with prayer, along with study and start putting what I have learned and believe into action.

As always, I welcome  your thoughts on faith, hope, love and community.  Just click on the comment button and tell me those thoughts, as we are each helping to build community here at, “Living the Christian Experience.”  Thank you!

I always like to have a song to help me remember something I’ve read.  Here’s my love song to help remind me to love/listen first, talk last.

Put a Little  love in  your Heart